Who Will Initiate Our Boys?
Rediscovering Rites of Passage
by Stephen Johnson, PH.D.

In the wake of the shootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, our society was suddenly wrenched from its complacent attitude regarding the plight of urban, mostly nonwhite adolescent males. The starkly brutal contrast of the unfolding real life prime time drama left us bobbing and weaving in search of answers concerning how this kind of thing could occur in predominantly white suburban America.

It seems that it has become understandable, if not strangely acceptable, that African and Hispanic American adolescents act out their urban rage upon one another as long as it doesn't spill out into the sanctity of our middle class bedroom communities. However, we were not prepared for the events of the past two years in which heavily armed boys of European descent, from apparently regular families, would march into their schools and open fire on their peers and teachers.

Of course it's not fair to denigrate the mass of teenagers comprising the majority of adolescents growing up normally today. But we need to ask ourselves whether these are random and isolated acts that will be contained as opposed to symptoms of a more widespread problem that is now surfacing like the tip of an iceberg. Have we lulled ourselves into a state of apathy by telling ourselves that our children are safer in the malls of heartland America far from the high tension areas of urban strife? Have we come to believe that we can avoid the pitfalls of the inner city and surrounding areas by retreating to more hallowed enclaves?

What has finally gotten our attention is that adolescent males, from the vanguard of our society, are shaking the pillars of it's very foundation. In fact, adolescent males, representing the diverse cross section of our culture, are displaying the markings of a troubled family system. An extended system in which the traditional rites of passage for young males, to be initiated into manhood, has broken down. The symptoms may manifest in different forms, yet the outcomes seem to lead back to one central theme. Without older men in the roles of mentors and blessing elders there is not the male kinship community to absorb the shock of the absence of the father in the life of his son.

It isn't that we are the first or even the last generation to have separation between fathers and sons. It is normal for fathers to be out of the house in past as well as present generations; however, we have never suffered the loss of male kinship in the past as much as we have in more contemporary times. There always were the grandfathers, uncles and mentors who stepped into the position of support for a boy when the father was off to war or the hunt. These men felt responsible to initiate boys into the varied realms of emerging manhood. They knew the Sacred Rites of Passage and how to guide the budding youngster through the gates that inculcate the traditions and rituals containing all the elements of such an immense life-change.

In modern societies, many of our youth feel lost and disconnected, while the genuine sense of community is also missing. Although it has become easy for people to turn away from the conflicts of youth, it was common knowledge in older cultures that the fruits of the future germinate from the seeds of the present. They had a perspective concerning the turbulent period of adolescence which gave them greater appreciation for the importance of their multifaceted roles in the lives of their children.

It does "take a village" to raise the children. When the youth experience the support and acceptance by the community they tend to accept themselves and find their place in the overall makeup of society which benefits the society as well. A friend of mine, Malidoma Some, a Dagara Shaman from West Africa once told me that there was no word for depression in his tribe. When a child is born, his place in the tribe is already established. He grows into his role; he is given his identity. Depression comes from a sense of purposelessness and despair. When one knows who he is and is recognized for his unique talents and gifts he tends to feel imbued with the sense of a larger community Self that transcends the limits of his individual ego. This, however, must be forged like metal at some point so that it becomes an integral part of the boy's personality.

There is a time when the boy is ripe to be taken by the men from the camp of the women to the men's camp across the river. The women fain protest, but it is understood by the adults that it is in vain. There is a strange mixture of futility and relief. The predominance of the Mother's influence in the life of her son starts to shift. This commences a transitional process of discharging the confusion inherent in the boy. He is ambivalent at first about individuating from the Mother and moving toward the Father. He cannot fully grasp the importance of this process at this point.

For a period of at least 6 weeks he is taught and tested by the men on the elements that transition boyhood to manhood. When he returns to the village he is celebrated and acknowledged as being different. He is no longer the boy who scampered between the women's and men's sides of the village. He is now a Man who will reside on the men's side. It is expected that he will shed the trappings of his childhood and undertake the challenges and responsibilities of manhood. The initiatory experience, executed through traditional rites of passage, provides a tangible blessing for the initiate that formally welcomes him into a new station of maturity. This is often evidenced by a visible wound or scar that signifies the intensity of the ceremony. It is something that others see and something that the boy/man has to remind him of his passage from boyhood to manhood.

Michael Gurian, author of several books including A Fine Young Man and The Wonder of Boys laments from his soon-to-be-published book The Good Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Boys and Young Men, "Rites of passage are a lost art, yet our pubescent boys hunger for them. For over two decades, anthropological studies have confirmed that males need rites in order to mark their passage into manhood. The need for these Rites correlates biologically to hunter/gatherer times...The majority of today's boys and men do not hunt prey with weapons, but they seek the challenge that the hunt implies...When boys aren't given these rites by their families, they nonetheless go out and try to prove manhood through high-risk, self-created rites of passage, and gangs to hunt with, often damaging their communities in hopes of proving they are becoming men and ought to have the respect of men."

It's a sobering realization that there are so many boys in our culture who feel disenfranchised. These are the hapless ones who glimpse that they may never receive respect or be welcomed into the community of men. These are the lost boys who experience themselves as different from the others, lacking entitlement. They don't fit in and they sense that they will not be let into the camp for those in line to be initiated. A condition of despair and desperation moves into their hearts and souls. Shame and rage grows out of their despair and may be discharged at those who stand in the way, who essentially block their right-to-passage. These boys are in desperate need of recognition and guidance from caring and concerned elders that could open the world of their Spirit to them through attention and admiration.

Perhaps, the proliferation of Attention Deficit Disorder impacting our young males is really a symptom of a lack of attention. I have sat with boys who tell me their stories of how their fathers are missing, or are too busy, or seem to not really care about them. They tell me that they feel that they are on their own, without guidance, having to find their way through the world. They have told me that they wished that their were men around that they could talk with who would help them define what it means to be a man. They want to know what it means to be initiated into manhood.

The word "initiation" means to "enter" or "start", so initiation is the starting point, not the end point, for the adventure of living. The goal of initiation is spiritual awakening. If a young man finally feels competent around other men and in himself about his manhood, you could say he has been initiated into the cultural ideal of masculinity. All previous cultures were spiritual in one way or another. So initiation into a culture was initiation into spirituality.

For millennia primal tribal men initiated their sons. These were men who knew their Gods. Men who spent their lives in community working together, worshiping together, dancing together, dying together. These were men whose every act was imbued with mythology; with the awareness of the spiritual, as well as the physical consequences of each act. These men consciously initiated their sons; inducting them into and perpetuating, the rights, privileges, responsibilities, and history of the community.

So who will initiate our sons in modern times? I feel strongly that men of any age who are missing a rites of passage experience, as demarcation between boyhood and manhood, should consider creating an opportunity for themselves to have such an experience. It's never too late.

I meet men all the time who do not feel that they are real Men. They still feel like boys masquerading as men. What I learn about these men is that they never received a blessing or initiatory experience from a father, a mentor or a community of men. Therefore, they don't feel that they have something to give to a boy who is seeking this form of recognition. It's important for men to find a community of men who have elders that are eager to bless younger men.

Men who have had rites of passage recognition realize the importance of giving back to younger males in search of meaning. I have sat in circles with inner city boys and boys from the suburbs. They want the same things. The stories that they tell are frequently similar. They talk about their alcoholic fathers, about divorce, about physical and psychological abuse or simply that no one seems to care about what's going on within them. Their stories are gut wrenching and make you cry. They haven't shared their stories before with anyone until they sit with the men who provide the sense that someone cares, that someone really wants to listen.

My first exposure to traditional rites of passage was six years ago, when my oldest son was 13. A group of fathers commenced preparation for an initiation of our sons ranging in age from 13 to 15. We met monthly during the year preceding the ritual ceremony. Using Bernard Wiener's book Boys to Men as a guide, we sketched out our blueprint for the rites of passage initiatory experience that we would provide for our boys.

Our wives were aware and fully supportive of our process and knew what parts they would play in choreographing the event. Our sons asked questions and offered suggestions along the way and attempted to contain their growing anxiety as we moved closer to the anticipated weekend.

We flew Malidoma, who was himself initiated as a boy in a traditional African rites of passage ordeal, down from Oakland to officiate. We were quite aware that Malidoma's personal initiation was far more grueling and authentic than what we were devising. However, the love, dedication and sincerity that was put into our own process was comparable. This was Malidoma's first rites of passage initiation for young men since his arrival in this country in the late 1980's. He wanted everyone to be clear that one doesn't become initiated overnight. One weekend doesn't accomplish what may require years to evolve. Initiation is a process while the ceremony is a point of reference.

By the time the fateful weekend arrived the boys were jumping out of their skins. Each of the fathers gathered his son up in the early morning before dawn and began the preparation for the trip to the ceremonial land. The boys were blindfolded to create an aura of mystery and to turn the initiate inward for self-reflecion. They were driven up to the Wright land, a sacred parcel owned by Eric Wright, champion of men's work and grandson of the renowned architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. Upon arrival the blindfolds were removed and the boys greeted one another and observed their surroundings.

On the outskirts of the property we gathered to give the boys some preliminary instruction before sending them off on their individual pilgrimages through the hills ending up in a second gathering place. Along the way each boy met strategically positioned elders in various nooks and crannies who confronted him with questions like, "Have you come alone?" or "What are you seeking?" or "What have you brought me?" By the time they found their way to the clearing they were fairly well tenderized and primed for the discussion on manhood and Sacred Teachings facilitated by Malidoma. The fathers joined in sharing stories from their youth and early initiatory experiences.

After lunch we gathered to meet with the Medicine Chief who would be leading the sweat lodge and hear him teach about the native ritual of purification and prayer. We all participated in the placement of Sacred stones in the fire pit, the building of the fire itself and the covering of the lodge. The creation of the alter and all the symbolism with every nuance deepened the meaning of the ceremony. By sunset we entered the lodge reverently and commenced one of the most powerful and bonding experiences that these fathers and sons had ever had together. It was a rite of passage as much for the fathers as for the sons.

Afterward, we sat around the fire sharing a meal and the personal stories from the lodge. As the day came to a close, the boys picked up their gear and headed toward an isolated spot on the land which each boy had carefully sought out earlier in the day. Each one would sleep alone, away from all the others for the entire night. Carried by them, were the letters and medicine bundles that their mothers had diligently prepared. The letters were to be opened and read once each boy was tucked away in his sleeping bag. Following the reading of the letter came the exploration of the contents of the medicine bundle. The boys slept surprisingly soundly that night awaking to the dawn.

At breakfast Malidoma carefully explained the details and nature of his own initiation. The boys sat transfixed with penetrating eyes as they took in every word. Time was set aside for preparing the gauntlet and hoopa that the boys would traverse as Malidoma presented each one to the assembled community comprised of family and friends who came to witness and celebrate. The fathers prepared the bundles containing their letters and a meticulously chosen knife which each presented to his son as Malidoma blessed the new young MEN and welcomed them from the village of the boys to the village of the men.

There was much drumming and dancing led by Ayo, a Yaruba Chief, and the other men. A tremendous feast was enjoyed by all and the weekend came to a close with the weary yet transformed initiates congratulating each other and readying themselves for the journey back down the mountain.

We are invested in sustaining the opportunities for men and boys to receive what they are seeking. Our Sacred Path Retreats for men are entering their thirteenth year and we continue to conduct weekly support groups and one-day workshops. We are now launching our Odyssey Youth Project which will also provide one day workshops, weekend retreats and follow-up support groups for boys in search of rites of passage and initiation into conscious manhood.

Our first Odyssey Adventure retreat for boys as well as mentors will be held on May 18-21 in Ojai, California. We will have a ropes course and a sweat lodge in addition to other events and processes. Our current thinking is to formulate it around a Knights of the Round Table theme. Boys age 13-19 as well as men of all ages are invited to attend.